Adam Bate

I recently listened in to a call on the importance of building strategic business relationships versus general networking. The authors and entrepreneurs Keith Ferrazzi, Tim Ferriss, and Guy Kawasaki had an open conversation on how they were affected by having a close-knit group of strategic relationships and how to go about finding them.

Although this call was mainly focusing on the business-related applications of strategic relationships, it got me thinking about how people form relationships and friendships in general.

Everyone has many levels and layers of best friends, friends, associates, personal contacts, business contacts, etc. and whether or not we think about it, every time we meet a new person we form opinions about them and unconsciously place them in one of our layers and categories. People typically drift from level to level, and unfortunately we lose touch with many, but there are also many people that we should likely be keeping a little closer – but for whatever reason we don’t.

The thing that got me thinking is the amount of people that actually consider how they choose their friends and who they keep close and at a distance. Most people don’t put much thought into it, and it definitely has its effect. The people that are the closest to us have an enormous influence on our lives and it is important to understand that this influence can be both positive and negative. If you are struggling and finding yourself not as happy as you should be, try to surround yourself in people that have a positive influence on you. This may not always include your current circle of friends so it may mean you need to reach out to old friends, new acquaintances, etc.

Fortunately, I consider myself quite lucky in the sense that I have what I believe to be an excellent group of close friends on which I can rely. Unfortunately, it is impossible to be very close with a large number of people – which makes it even more important to make sure you are keeping the right people close to you. After some thought I have come up with some of the things I find extremely important in developing a close friendship and relationship.

Honesty.

It is important for someone to be able to tell you when you are out of line, or call you out on something that they disagree with. Praise from someone who is also willing to challenge you, is worth much more than If someone only ever agrees with you.

Respect.

I think this one goes without saying. Being brutally honest without being respectful can hurt. It is important that they show respect and are able to be critical, but constructive.

Dependability.

If you were in a crisis, whether personally, professionally, or emotionally and reached out to a friend to get together for a chat over dinner would they make time for you?

I’m not saying that it has to happen all the time, or that you even need to spend a lot of time together, but are they willing to make time for you when you need it? Or do they only ever seem to appear when it is convenient for them?

Motivating.

I’m sure you have experienced people that make you feel motivated or inspired when you are around them. For whatever reason, they have an aura that makes you want to strive to be the best. These are the people in particular that you want surrounding you, but are unfortunately harder to find.

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Losing touch sucks. I’ll be the first to admit that I have lost touch with many great friends that I wish I could have kept closer. I know with a relocation coming up there will likely be more shifting of people from layer to layer which is I guess why I started to think of it. If you’re reading this and have lost touch please feel free to contact me or email me to say hi and let me know what you have been up to. I would love to catch up.

Thoughts and comments are always welcome and encouraged.